....You know…the ones you find out about along the way!
(There is no rule book!)
When marrying, it’s not unusual I don’t think to go into it all with a certain level of ideals, dreams and visions about how this little union is going to look.
Marrying a farmer is no different.
However, as you quickly find out as your relationship goes along, there are certain “rules” – unwritten ones, that you discover along the way.
I reached out to my intimate network of fellow farmer’s wives and we put our heads together to come up with a few that we have experienced! Maybe you can relate, or even have a few unique ones of your own!
OUTSIDE THE FENCE vs INSIDE THE FENCE
This was one of my farmer’s favourite sayings once. Basically he was saying to me that everything inside the house fenceline was my responsibility and everything outside was his! I smelled a rat here over a few years as I realised he just hated garden work!
His mum was an avid farm gardener and worked like a Trojan in it! His dad never helped. I think it ruined him for me! I on the other hand growing up in the centre of a town with just an average sized garden often saw my mum and dad work a few hours on a Saturday taking care of things. As I grew up, the task of push mowing the lawn often was a job I happily did to secure some pocket money.
So, of course, I believed as a budding farm wife, I would happily spend my time plodding in my ‘little’ farm garden and he would have time every Saturday morning to help me do that!
Hahahahaha!
This ‘rule’ was quickly established and as he often said it with a little half grin, I understood that my garden was definitely not his priority or the thing that made him money. So, I have often found myself slaving away in my not so small and quaint farm garden, sweating and wishing for a more than a few square feet less of precious garden space as I week after week run out of time to do all the tasks required to make it ‘pretty’.
Then, the drought came with a vengeance, killing almost everything in its sight and my beautiful husband kind of shelved this rule – well to a degree. As my friend said these farmers may still remind us how big their gardens are!!!
He still can’t be found next to me weeding, but he has helped me establish a better future for the garden. Encouraging me in the changes to make the chores easier, and as he has seen my willingness to step outside the fenceline into his space, he can see the benefit to all to reciprocate!
WHAT HAPPENS IN THE SHEEP YARDS STAYS IN THE SHEEP YARDS
I first heard this rule out of the mouth of someone else’s farmer hubby and actually couldn’t believe my ears! I didn’t do a lot of work with Phil early on in the yards as there was always plenty of other helpers. But as time does, it progresses, people move on and circumstances change. I have spent more time in sheep yards in the last few years than in my whole marriage – and I have a love/hate relationship with the work!
You see, there is a LOT of yelling in stockyards. (Hopefully I can hear an AMEN out there and I am not alone!!!). But what I have come to understand is that the yelling isn’t personal – its just effective! Phils mum once had words to him because he yelled across the yards at her, but as he explained, he had to yell over the din of 500 animals so she could hear him and be safe!
I have more often than not been found to be standing in the wrong position when working sheep and cattle – wishing I could read their body language as quickly as he does. I also though have found my ‘voice’ in the yards and am quick to yell back if I am stressed or doing my darndest to make things go right! The phrase ‘I’m trying!!!’ has more than once been ‘strongly’ said back at him in the draft race.
The key to this rule as the rule itself points out is that it all gets left behind in the yards. As soon as the gate is opened and the task declared done, you must ladies, recover your pride and leave it all behind you in the dust and rust of the yards.
JUST COME AND GIVE ME A HAND FOR A MINUTE
Well, as you can imagine – this is a very quick one to explain! Basically – never ever happens. Whether this is to escort a farm vehicle to another paddock or run him a drink, the quick minute definitely means much much longer. My tip – delay him if you have something with just 5 minutes left in oven – finish it off and get it out first!
NEVER MAKE DEFINITE PLANS
Well at least not in the months of shearing, crutching, spraying, sowing, harvest, lamb marking etc. So basically you are free in September! Hahaha
Our daughter had to face this when choosing the date for her wedding!
I do however know of a few farmers wives who have had children born during their ‘normal’harvest season!
THE DRIVER DOESN’T GET THE GATES
This one is a total scam! And I will stand by this until the day I drive off this farm for good!
The farm my man grew up on was actually west of Lithgow with its front gate on the Great Dividing Range! So, picture the winters that I had to go through to get the gates (x2) each day for work and bus runs, work and church on Sundays. I have opened gates in wind that will blow you off your feet, snow so cold your fingers don’t work, pitch dark so the reverse lights had to be used so I could see the gate to close it again!
All while the farmer sit happily in the warm cab!
Now there is a little prize to all this if you are patient enough – kids!!!! There is a short window of time for all farm wives where their kids (I’m going to say between the ages of 7-12) where the kids are both keen to do this new fun thing like open the gates and can be conned into complying. However after about 13, the keenness definitely dissipates and you have a sulky fight on your hands. If you play your cards right, you can tell the kids that one gets the gates leaving, the other on the way home etc – but they aren’t fooled into the great idea for too long.
Perhaps this is why people have more than 2 kids! I should have thought about that more!!!
I was happily impressed that this farm when we moved, has no house to road gates to open! The house is right on the road and I could wave the girls off to the school bus from my verandah.
Yay!!!
LEAVE THE GATES AS YOU FIND THEM
Seems there is another gate rule! If the gate is open when you get to it – drive through happily knowing that you have a little windswept free ride that day! However, if its closed – lady – you better make sure its closed after you go through!
No ifs or buts! Let me tell you – more than one sheep or cow has been found on the wrong side of the fence after gleefully watching sneakily from behind a tree as a farm wife has thought incorrectly ‘it will be ok just this once’. Let me tell you, this is not a conversation you want to have!
So – what do you think? I am sure there are loads more of these out there and there are a few I am leaving for another day.
We all have to learn things along the way and it’s a fun, interesting ride when we open ourselves up to it all.
My greatest advice in regards to all of this might be…..the weeds will wait, if he needs you go happily as life is too short and yes, take a drink, you will more often than not need it! And lastly, if that rotten steer or bull, ewe or ram gets through the gate when you decide to just leave it open ‘for now’ – stand your ground – blame that animal with all you have within you – besides – he said you’d only be a few minutes!
xxx
Toni
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